Frozen In Time -- The Inner World of Paralysis
by Nancy M. Turcich, NTS, RPP, RPE

Most people have never experienced paralysis. Paralysis is something that may be hard to grasp if you are among the people who have had the privilege to walk everyday of your life. That gift was taken from me on October 16, 1982. However, with a great deal of hard work and, perhaps some luck, it returned rather quickly.

The first time I realized my ability to freely move my body without thought occurred when I was laying with a boulder in the middle of my back. After fully embodying horrific pain, I asked my friends to help me to move; they refused. As time passed, I could no longer feel the pain but I still wanted to remove my body from the rock. So with great intent, I decided to move myself, however, my body did not heed to my request. I felt if I concentrated intently then my body would move... still no response. Anger rose as I laid there aching to remove my body from the boulder, yet no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much intention I engaged it was futile. One second prior to falling off the cliff I was able to manipulate my body without conscious thought, the next moment I was unable to move no matter how much effort I put forth. Frustration does not begin to describe what that is like.

In order to analyze paralysis we need to explore movement. Whether we are conscious of it or not, our heart functions; so does our lungs, our blood, and our brain due to their place within the autonomic or automatic system. However, the limbs and much of the muscular system falls outside of this parameter, yet most of us seemingly move without thought. Much of this ability is derived from practice. Our body has done certain things millions of times and, therefore, it knows how to provoke movement without much thought. Prior to my fall, I was moving on automatic pilot. However, once my body hit the surface of the rock/boulder, my unconscious movements disappeared into thin air. It was as if movement was literally sucked out of my system.

In the hospital, as needles were plunged into my tissues daily to check for nerve damage, inklings of internal reactions crossed my mind, but my body did little to convince my audience. The feelings below the surface could not penetrate the paralysis nor create visible signs of motion. Moving away from a painful experience such as touching a hot stove or getting poked with a sharp object escaped my bodies capabilities at that time. My nerves were incapable of registering pain even though on a certain level I knew my body was being invaded. In that way, paralysis leaves you second guessing all of your actions and reactions or lack thereof.

So, what's it like not to have control over your movements or your sensations? For me, it gave rise to my emotions... I became ANGRY!!! As the anger fizzled, sadness and sorrow appeared as I grieved what I once was, what I was able to physically accomplish. There were moments when paralysis was a blessing because just as pleasure didn't register neither did pain. Although those days were few and far between, I acknowledge them as a bright spot in a circle of darkness.

Being paralyzed awakens your vulnerability. You have to trust people around you because you can't feel what is happening nor move your body at will. Personally, this combination, the loss and lack of mobility, wreaked havoc on my emotional body.

The thing that replaced my ability to move freely was muscle spasms. Spasms are nasty critters. They creep up on you and flail your body around without any regard for where you are or what you might be doing at the time. No matter how hard I tried to move my body it wouldn't respond, yet spasms could turn my system on and make my legs jump in the air with little provocation. The spasms left me with the impression that they were discharging the discomfort from the needles previously submerged below my skin. In my eyes, one positive aspect of muscle spasms was they showed me that my nervous system was still working; it was responding to some signals.

Paralysis takes you back in time. It is as if you are an infant even though you reside in a grown up body. In Physical Therapy, movements are broken down into segments so that you can relearn how to move again. Sometimes completing one motion/task takes days or possibly weeks. The strength to continue in this process is derived from the desire to reclaim your life. Your rehab program becomes all encompassing and it drives you even when you feel it is a losing battle. The glimmer of hope is the carrot dangling within your reach.

In the hospital, after weeks of laying flat on my back, the ability to sit up escaped my reality. The capability of staying seated without passing out or throwing up was quite a feat. Waves of nausea would come just as I would reach for the next degree of a vertical stance. Ice packs around my neck and cool towels resting on my forehead would keep my bile at bay. Yet, once I was able to sit unassisted in a chair, my stamina would not allow me to remain there for long. Having my entire torso surrounded by a plaster cast made holding myself upright difficult.

Through my experience, I' d say paralysis is a real mind game. Whether you regain full mobility or you remain in a wheelchair or bedridden, you have to keep moving forward in your mind. Achieving that is a goal worth striving toward.

So what's it like to be paralyzed? It's no walk in the park!!! The word that seems to encapsulate that time in my life is CHALLENGING... every moment of every day.

For more details about holistic therapy and Nancy's experience with healing refer to her book Finding My Way Through Paralysis To Holistic Health.

Reproduction of articles are permitted by Nancy M. Turcich, NTS, RPP, RPE, author and holistic bodyworker, with acknowledgements and credentials included.

For further information or questions, please contact Nancy @ Natural Massage Therapy at 928-717-1251, nmt1@naturalmassagetherapy.com.

All articles are for informational/educational purposes only. This information does not take the place of current treatment plans nor medications prescribed. Always consult your physician to determine the most beneficial course of treatment for your individual needs.