Grief ~ The BIG Loss
by Nancy M. Turcich
For some, death comes slowly. It seems like the body will never give up its fight for life. These bodies were made to survive. Others seem to slip away on a dream cloud and head to some far away land. And then there are the sudden, tragic losses... cars skid out of control, someone walks out into the street only to be plowed down, planes go down, earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis; all of nature’s great acts wipe out large portions of the population. Oh, I forgot... the taking of one’s own life... the “S-word”.
In 1989, suicide* impacted my life and took my breath away. I thought that I had a grip on how to deal with loss until that bugger hit me smack in the face. Suicide is one of those deaths that hitch a ride on the guilt-trip mobile. Everyone who knew the deceased seems to feel that they could have somehow saved their loved one.
No matter how someone dies, the living are left with a huge gap in their world. My personal feeling is that the dead are okay. Maybe that is just what helps me to go on. I’m not saying that everyone is ready to die when their number is called, but I think they are okay. Family and friends always seem to wonder if their loved one is okay. But what about the living... how do we go on, how do we cope, how do we fare without this person?
As I have gotten older and had to deal with death on a more personal level I can say that I have gotten better at it but, I HATE that people I love die. I hear it in the voices of others as “the pureness of loss.” The utter disbelief, even when someone has been ill. Once they pass it is like... what just happened, where are they, why aren’t they here with us?
So, how do we cope with death? It’s true that we are not simply grieving on the mental and emotional plane. On a cellular level we are missing the physical presence of the deceased. Releasing the person sometimes takes great effort. Personally, I ask myself the tough question: “What if I died, what would I want people to do?” The answer is always the same... ENJOY LIFE... every last crumb. Whether you are having a good day or a bad day, breathe it in for everyone who has gone before you.
I’m not sure that will work for everyone but it helps me. Loss is feeling grief, being deprived of the presence of a loved one. How can that not hurt?
When my brother Ronny took his life I felt like I couldn’t live mine because I was not honoring him if I was out there taking in life. I needed to grieve, to suffer, to feel his loss each and every minute of the day. Thankfully, through writing and as the years have passed, not every minute of my life is wrapped up in the loss of my brother. I enjoy the moments that he visits me in my dreams and the memories of him that arise in my mind. I savor what we shared and take in the pain of his loss like a gulp of air. I breathe in the gift I was given–having Ronny in my life in the first place.
Loss may not be an easy thing to accept. It shows us our vulnerability, our true feelings, the depth in which we were touched and a vacant space where someone we loved resided. They’re around for as long as we keep them alive in our hearts and our minds. It just takes a lot of getting used to, especially not being able to embrace their physical presence.
The biggest loss that I can think of is not having them in our lives at all. To miss out on what we shared. To regret not telling them what they mean to us... that’s the greatest loss of all.
* For more details about Nancy’s experience, refer to her book One Of Eight–my perspective on our brother’s suicide.
Reproduction of articles are permitted by Nancy M. Turcich, author and holistic bodyworker, with acknowledgments and credentials included.
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For further information or questions, please contact Nancy @ Bez Publications at 928-717-1251, bez@naturalmassagetherapy.com.
To see Nancy speak about her experiences please view the video here.
All articles are for informational/educational purposes only. This information does not take the place of current treatment plans nor medications prescribed. Always consult your physician to determine the most beneficial course of treatment for your individual needs.
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