Journaling
by Nancy M. Turcich
To write is to release. To ME, that is. In 1989, I grabbed a pad of paper and a pen and I headed to Mother Nature. I was lost and my head was spinning. Contemplating my own demise, I felt crazed by my brother’s suicide.
Thankfully, taking the words from my cells and presenting them to the physical world eased my fire and allowed me to simmer a bit. Instead of blasting full speed ahead, I was able to take a breath and see what was right in front of me. Sitting in a pile of leaves for over an hour, I was able to feel moisture under my bottom. I felt the grain of the wood log that was supporting my spine as I wrote furiously. My eyes scanned the scene and I fully absorbed autumn in Illinois. The cold wind slapped my face and shook me awake. All of this took place in a instant, after I discharged what I was feeling internally. Once I released my innards, I was able to experience life again.
For people who don’t use journaling as a release tool or a place of peace, this may seem impossible. How could writing what you feel bring you back to the world? The answer is simple; once you feel, cellularly experience what you are hearing in your head, it is like letting the air out of a balloon. It falls back to Earth and feels the ground beneath it.
I have encountered many people who are resistant to journaling or even writing a letter to someone (dead or alive). They state plenty of reasons as to why they can’t or won’t write. But, when I look into their eyes I see the emotion longing to be released in the tears that form in their visual center. Fear keeps it right there as the water is reabsorbed by the system or simply wiped away. The funny thing is, they are afraid of what they already know about themselves... that they feel loss.
When my brother Ronny died, the incredible loss that I felt consumed me. The “all powerful” in me felt that “I” should have stopped him from taking his life. What I learned through journaling, and later, using my journals to write a book*, is that it wasn’t about him; IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME.
Journaling showed me that I feel and I take things personally because everything in my life is PERSONAL... for I am a person taking it all in. Journaling gave me a space to find more of me. It opened my heart, first to me, and then to the world. This was not an easy task.. AND, initially I grieved for the words that I released to the masses through my book. But once I took some time for myself and I took many breaths, walks, swims, etc., I was able to let it all go. My words were not just meant for me, they are there for everyone to at least look at. People may absorb them fully, partially or not at all. That is not the point. Words are meant to be spoken, at least for me.
I never thought that I would share my journals. Prior to 1998, I didn’t even reread my own words. However, as I did, I found more pieces of myself. I discovered that what I feared was not nearly as big as it appeared inside of me. The greatest gift came when I recognized that the record playing in my head could change its tune. That’s the most amazing thing that journaling continues to hand to me... on a silver platter. I no longer have to hold all of my thoughts, words, and feelings internally. I have a way to set them free and let them fly.
Journaling is a GIFT... plain and simple. So, grab paper and a pen to see what comes out of you. You may be pleasantly surprised. One thing that I can guarantee... you won’t be carrying such heavy hearts.
* For more details about Nancy’s experience, refer to her book One Of Eight–my perspective on our brother’s suicide.
Reproduction of articles are permitted by Nancy M. Turcich, author and holistic bodyworker, with acknowledgments and credentials included.
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For further information or questions, please contact Nancy @ Bez Publications at 928-717-1251, bez@naturalmassagetherapy.com.
All articles are for informational/educational purposes only. This information does not take the place of current treatment plans nor medications prescribed. Always consult your physician to determine the most beneficial course of treatment for your individual needs.
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